Do not be unforgiving of yourself if you commit a mistake

Do not be unforgiving of yourself if you commit a mistake or make an error. Life didn’t come with a fool-proof manual. Most of us are doing the best that we can. We’re not perfect. We learn from our mistakes and from stumbling. 

Like almost everyone else, I have a great number of responsibilities. In fact, it usually seems like I’m juggling ten or twenty balls in the air simultaneously. So, to assume, I’ll never make mistakes is absurd.

Can you sense how framing mistakes in this more realistic way gets you off the hook? In other words, when you make a mistake – even a stupid one – this more philosophical outlook allows you to keep your perspective and sense of humor instead of beating yourself up. 

Instead of saying to yourself, “What an idiot,” you should be able to say, “More proof that I’m human.”

The 99 Club

Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content. One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy. 

Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King’s woes and the servant’s story, the advisor said, “Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club.”

“The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?” the King inquired. The advisor replied, “Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant’s doorstep.” 

When the servant opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... So many gold coins! He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, “What could’ve happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins!

He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete his collection. 

From that day, the servant’s life was changed. He was overworked and chastised his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.

Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor’s help, the advisor said, “Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club.” He continued, “The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they’re always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: “Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life .”

“We can be happy, even with little, but the minute we’re given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires. That’s what joining The 99 Club is all about.” 

Sometimes it’s helpful to put yourself in the shoes of the person you are asking or seeking help

I’ve written or called hundreds of people during my career who have never written back or returned my call. I’ve learned that people are often overwhelmed and overcommitted, and therefore unable or unwilling to help me. 

Instead of feeling defeated, I try to focus instead on how grateful I am that many other people have returned my calls or answered my letters.

Many years ago, I wanted to get in to see a certain professional and was told that I couldn’t because he wasn’t taking any new clients. I persisted, but never succeeded. Finally, I spoke to the receptionist in an impatient tone and said, “Look, I really need to see him. Isn’t there anything you can do?” she responded to me in a very calm and respectful manner. Her words were, “I’m truly sorry, but the doctor has a three-year waiting list. He works six days a week, twelve hours a day, and hasn’t had a vacation in over five years. He’s doing the best he can, but he too would like to have a life.” His schedule put my own busyness into better perspective.

Confidently walk into anything God brings our way

Two men went fishing. One man was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. 

Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back. 

The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing this man waste good fish. 

 "Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked. 

The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan." 

Sometimes, like that fisherman, we throw back the big plans, big dreams, big jobs, and big opportunities that God gives us. 
Our faith is too small. 

We laugh at that fisherman who didn't figure out that all he needed was a bigger frying pan; yet how ready are we to increase the size of our faith? 

Whether it's a problem or a possibility, God will never give you anything bigger than you can handle. That means we can confidently walk into anything God brings our way.

Be willing to ask, but …

There’s an old saying: “If you don’t ask for what you want, you’re not going to get it.”

The only problem with the “be willing to ask” philosophy is that it doesn’t take into consideration the large percentage of the time that you don’t get something, even when you do ask or when you feel you deserve it. So, the old saying, if taken literally, can create some frustration.

Any potential frustration, however, can be prevented by including a lack of insistence upon your desired result. In other words, it’s terrific, courageous, and important to ask for what you want, but if you’re attached to the outcome, you could be in for a long and ongoing series of disappointments in your life. 

The key to becoming less attached to the outcomes of your requests is to depersonalize them. In other words, try to see that more often than not, being turned down has very little to do with you. For example, if you ask for a raise, your request may or may not be possible, depending on factors other than you – your company’s budget, the implications to other workers, rules within the department, and so forth. 

Make someone else feel good

If you want to feel good about yourself, make someone else feel good! It really is that simple. Perhaps it is because this idea is so simple that we sometimes forget to do it.

It seems that anytime I go out of my way to make someone else feel good, it ends up brightening my day and making myself feel better as well. It reminds me that so often the nicest things in life aren’t “things.” Instead, they are the feelings that accompany acts of kindness and nice gestures. It’s clear to me that “what goes around does indeed come around.”

Whether it’s taking the time to write a note of congratulations for a job well done, a written or verbal compliment, a friendly phone call, an unasked – for favor, a note of encouragement, or any number of other possibilities, making someone else feel good – however you do it –is almost always a good idea. 

Acts of kindness and good will are inherently wonderful. 

There’s an old saying: “Giving is its own reward.” This is certainly true. Your reward for being kind and making someone else feel good are the warm, positive feelings that invariably accompany your efforts. 

Be Responsive

“Responsive” means acting appropriately to the issue at hand. Rather than being driven and controlled by habitual, knee-jerk reactions, being responsive means having the ability to maintain perspective and to choose the best possible alternative or course of action, given your unique situation. 

Because responsive people are able to see the entire picture so well, they are able to factor into every equation all the variables, instead of being limited to their usual way of doing things. 

Responsive individuals are willing to change direction, if necessary, and admit their mistakes when appropriate.

For example, it’s common for a builder to run into unexpected changes in the original plans – unknown soil conditions, a shortage of money, or unforeseen design problems. A reactive builder will panic, overreact and become difficult to work with. A good builder will take the changes in stride, be responsive to the changes, rise to the occasion and get the job done.

Be responsive!

Do not live in imagined future

If you want to be a happier, less-stressed person, there is no better place to start than with becoming aware of “anticipatory thinking,” or an imagined future.

Essentially, this type of thinking involves imagining how much better your life will be when certain conditions are met – or how stressful, or difficult something is going to be at some point down the road. 

Typical anticipatory thinking sounds something like this: “I can’t wait to get that promotion, and then my life will be great.” “Life will be so much simpler when I can afford an assistant.” “These next few years will be really tough, but after that I’ll be having a smooth ride.” 

You get so carried away by your own thoughts that you remove yourself from the actual present moments of your life, thereby forgetting the act of living effectively and joyfully.

There are other, more short-term forms of this type of thinking as well: “The next few days are going to be unbearable,” “I am going to be tired tomorrow,” “I just know my speech is going to be a disaster.” 

There are endless variations of this stressful tendency. The details are usually different, but the result is the same –stress! Do not let your thoughts get caught up in the negative expectations and imagined horrors of the future.

The Supreme Controller

It is natural that a philosophical mind wants to know about the origin of the creation. At night he sees the stars in the sky, and he naturally speculates about their inhabitants. Such inquiries are natural for man because man has a developed consciousness which is higher than that of the animals. The author of Srimad-Bhagavatam (Vyasadeva) gives a direct answer to such inquiries. He says that the Lord Sri Krishna is the origin of all creations. He is not only the creator of the universe, but the destroyer as well. The manifested cosmic nature is created at a certain period by the will of the Lord. It is maintained for some time, and then it is annihilated by His will. Therefore, the supreme will is behind all cosmic activities. Of course, there are atheists of various categories who do not believe in a creator, but that is due to a poor fund of knowledge. The modern scientist, for example, has created space satellites, and by some arrangement or other, these satellites are thrown into outer space to fly for some time at the control of the scientist who is far away. Similarly, all the universes with innumerable stars and planets are controlled by the intelligence of the Personality of Godhead. 

In Vedic literatures, it is said that the Absolute Truth, Personality of Godhead, is the chief amongst all living personalities. All living beings, beginning from the first created being, Brahma, down to the smallest ant, are individual living beings. And above Brahma, there are even other living beings with individual capacities, and the Personality of Godhead is also a similar living being. And He is an individual as are the other living beings. But the Supreme Lord, or the supreme living being, has the greatest intelligence, and He possesses supermost inconceivable energies of all different varieties. If a man's brain can produce a space satellite, one can very easily imagine how brains higher than man can produce similarly wonderful things which are far superior. The reasonable person will easily accept this argument, but there are stubborn atheists who would never agree. 

Trying to please every one

The fact that someone is virtually always going to be mad or at least disappointed with you is inevitable because while you’re busy trying to please one person, you’re often disappointing someone else. Even if your intentions are entirely pure and positive, you simply can’t be in two places at one time. So, if two or more people want, need or expect something from you – and you can’t do it all – someone is going to be left disappointed. 

When you have dozens, even hundreds of demands on your time, and requests being fired at you from all different directions, a certain number of balls are going to be dropped. Mistakes are going to be made.

Four people asked you to call them before five o’clock. The second call took much longer than anticipated. The two who didn’t receive calls are probably going to be upset. If you hurried the call you were on, you risked upsetting that person. Either way, someone’s left upset. Or you go the extra mile to do an excellent job on one project – but only have time to do an adequate job on another project. Again, you let someone down.

When you make peace with this fact of life, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders. Obviously you would never intentionally hurt or disappoint someone. In fact, most of us will do everything within our power not to, yet it’s still going to happen. And when you know it’s inevitable, your gut reaction to the disappointment is going to be much more peaceful.

But there are still going to be errors

You can try and try – you can make allowances for contingencies and mix-ups, but there are still going to be errors. And when errors happen, forget a promise, meeting, or commitment; then someone is going to be hurt, upset, mad, or disappointed. 

Rather than becoming upset, defensive, or guilty, maintain your bearings and remain compassionate. You should understand that there’s simply nothing you can do – other than your best. You didn’t intend for it to happen, you did everything you knew how to prevent it, yet it happened. 

In fact, most of us will do everything within our power not to, yet it’s still going to happen. And it will happen again. It’s time to let it go and focus on doing the best you can.

Handling criticism

Rather than trying to avoid criticism, expert performers welcome it. They seek out coaches and advisors who can give them constructive, sometimes even painful feedback. They then use this feedback as a guide for steady improvement.

Here are some steps you can take to handle criticism effectively:

1. Acknowledge Your Error - Acknowledging a mistake is not the same as acknowledging that you are an inferior person/a failure. If you believe the criticism is accurate, take full responsibility. Don’t blame something or someone else and don’t make excuses. If appropriate, offer a diplomatic apology: “I’m sorry that my actions led to that result. It certainly was not my intention.” Again, if appropriate, ask for suggestions on how you can improve your performance the next time.

2. Take Corrective Action - After you’ve heard the other person out completely, and listened to any suggestions for improvement, state/communicate your eagerness to improve in the future. If appropriate, describe any actions you will take at his time to counterbalance your previous error.

3. Acknowledge the other person’s motive - Thank the other person for the feedback and make sure to state how valuable you consider it. This demonstrates your ability to use criticism as a way to improve – an essential quality of a leader. In addition, let the other person know that you are open to receiving his or her feedback in the future.

Even when you don’t care for the style in which criticism is presented, be thankful that the other person is willing to give you feedback, and along with it, an opportunity to improve.

Today before you complain about…

Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Today before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Today before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Today before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

Today before you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

Today before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin.

Mistakes are unavoidable part of life

Some mistakes are big. An air-traffic controller’s mistake or one wrong move by a surgeon can be deadly. 

A vast majority of the mistakes we make, however, are not life or death. It’s true that even small mistakes can cause inconvenience, conflict, or extra work – and, can be expensive.
 
While no one enjoys making mistakes, there is something very freeing about learning to accept them – really accept them – as an unavoidable part of life. When we do, we can forgive ourselves, thus erasing all the stress that usually results from cursing ourselves. 

So the suggestion is simple. Forgive yourself; you’re human.

Mistakes are unavoidable part of life

Some mistakes are big. An air-traffic controller’s mistake or one wrong move by a surgeon can be deadly. 

A vast majority of the mistakes we make, however, are not life or death. It’s true that even small mistakes can cause inconvenience, conflict, or extra work – and, can be expensive.
 
While no one enjoys making mistakes, there is something very freeing about learning to accept them – really accept them – as an unavoidable part of life. When we do, we can forgive ourselves, thus erasing all the stress that usually results from cursing ourselves. 

So the suggestion is simple. Forgive yourself; you’re human.

Be Reasonable

“Reasonable” suggests the ability to see things fairly, without the self-serving justification that so often clouds our vision. 

It’s the ability to see your own contribution to a problem and the willingness to listen to and learn from other's point of view. Being reasonable includes the ability to put yourself in the shoes of others, being able to see the bigger picture, and to maintain perspective. 

People who are reasonable are well liked and highly respected. Because they are willing to listen, others pay close attention to what they have to say, as well. 

Reasonable people rarely have enemies, and their conflicts are kept to an absolute minimum. They are able to see beyond their own desires and needs, which makes them compassionate and helpful to others.

Be a reasonable person.